When the final ties are cut…

Life has been busy and full of change and growth over the last 2 months! I still have so many stories to share on this blog and I will continue to do so as they come, but I am sorry that they are not as regular as they once were! Just wanted to let you know that I am still here and still checking/responding to contact forms and comments when I can.

This month I celebrated the one year anniversary of my divorce court date and this month is also the last time I saw The Narcissist… it has been an entire year!! I also crossed another huge milestone this month, I was finally able to cut the last ties of anything that I had to The Narcissist. In every sense he is completely removed from every single aspect of my life and it feels so gooooood!! The last few things that (I felt) kept his presence in my life somehow were:

  1. Debt – It took me the entire year post divorce of managing my finances in a reasonable and responsible way to be able to pay off the last of the debt that I had as a result of The Narcissist. That burden is finally gone and from this point on, any spending I do is on my terms and that feels amazing!! You can read more about The Narcissist and Financial Abuse in this post.
  2. Car Lease – My vehicle lease was up at the end of June, and since The Narcissist and I both leased our vehicles from the same dealer at the same time, it wound up that my vehicle was in his name and vice versa. (The Narcissist insisted on us having matching vehicles… same color / same make / just different models.) So for the last year all of the statements, phone calls, etc. regarding my vehicle have been in his name which is so annoying. I even went into the dealership the month before my lease was up to see what they would offer me for a new lease deal and the manager just talked about The Narcissist non-stop to the point where I had to ask him to stop. So, I went a totally different route and got a new vehicle from a totally different place in a model and color that make me feel like a million bucks… and it is a fresh start that has nothing to do with him.
  3. Work – I left my job, the last place that would ever know me as “Mrs. Narcissist”, the place that experienced me through the messiest part of my life, the place that The Narcissist urged me to go work at so I would earn more money. That means I have a completely clean slate at a new place of my choosing and it will have no emotional connections for me to him at all.

So now I can really say that one-year post divorce… The Narcissist is truly gone from my life. šŸ™‚ I’ve even found myself slowly getting rid of things that we once bought together or that were somehow connected to my life with him. Things that this time last year felt like they were still sentimental to me have now been donated, sold, recycled, etc. I’ve slowly replaced so many things that were part of my old life with things that really represent me.

It feels really good to take an inventory of my life and look around and see my happiness projected in my home, in my clothes, in my keepsakes, my passions, my work, and my love. My life isn’t a superficial image anymore…. it’s just me.

In so many ways, The Narcissist feels like a distant memory. That life I lived for those 8 years feels like a story I once read, or a movie I once saw. I am forgetting more and more of the details, the emotions of it all are beginning to feel blurry. For me all of this healing was made possible through having absolutely no contact with The Narcissist and cutting all of those ties… one by one… until there was absolutely nothing left.

The Narcissist who once made himself the center of my universe is now just a ghost and somehow that feels like the best kind of revenge you can ever get with a person like that.

ā¤

8 thoughts on “When the final ties are cut…

  1. If you haven’t shared this with the Chumps on Chump Lady blog please do so. They love seeing these successes because so many of them have been through this

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  2. I so love ā™„ this post!!! I bow down to you! Congratulations!!! By the way, what is it with them telling us to quit our jobs because we have enough in savings? The same exact thing happened to me after our daughter was born. He told me to quit my job because I have more than enough money in savings and yet, he didn’t lift a finger when that money was quickly disappearing. Thank goodness I went back into the workforce, not because I wanted to, but because I saw his… Well, I don’t know what I saw. His selfishness and lack of compassion and consideration??? Who knows. But I stopped it on time. I also quit my the job I had 3 years before our daughter was born because he convinced me to do so. They are so good at wrapping us up in their web of fog and confusion. Now I’m in debt because of this divorce and custody battle and him not paying our daughter’s medical expenses. But I’m hijacking your post. Congratulations!!!! To a great future free of narc-selfishness!

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    1. Fyidivorce, he urged me to change jobs initially which is why I landed at my last job. The title and pay was better and it required me to travel less so he loved the idea. It was also 2 minutes away from where we lived so he could “meet me for lunch” aka check in on me whenever he felt like it. I have been unhappy in the job for a while now but felt like it was too much change to deal with that and the divorce all at once. Thanks for reading!

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  3. I am so happy for you! It is so encouraging to read about your emergence into full independence. I have the same issues trying to untangle my identity from his, sometimes it has been more frustrating than I could have ever imagined. But I’m looking forward to a day when I don’t have to deal with him, or his connection to me, any longer. Kudos to you!!

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