If you haven’t read it already, I highly encourage you to go back and read about The Christmas Tree Incident… which was for all intents and purposes the breaking point for my marriage to The Narcissist.
That event happened just about this time last year. From where I stand today, it feels like a different life, a different person, a movie I saw once. I literally spent the majority of the month of December last year shut in my bedroom (while The Narcissist was downstairs playing Destiny online with his friends) binge watching those cheezy Hallmark Christmas movies where the woman who is contemplating her life falls in love and ends up believing in Santa again by the time the movie is over. I was so depressed I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed and participate in life… I went to work, came home, crawled into bed, slept, woke up, went to work and repeat. But not this year.
This year, I have all of my Christmas decorations up, I am 99.99% done with my Christmas shopping and the presents are wrapped…. and the best part… I got a Christmas tree! I went to Whole Foods and they had cute little real table top trees complete with a little plastic stand, and on a completely unplanned impulse… I bought a tree. I brought it home and decorated it with the ornaments that I have had since I was a baby, and a whole bunch of ornaments that were gifted to me from my deceased uncle’s collection, and even a few that were purchased with The Narcissist and never ever used on a tree! The tree is far from perfect, but it is the perfect representation of all of the things I love most about Christmas…. family, memories, and getting into the spirit of giving and loving one another!
I’ve had a blast shopping for all of the people I love in my life and picking out things that I think are going to make them smile and bring them joy… and I am planning a full-blown cookie bake-off sometime before Christmas hits.
Every single day, I am making my life how I want it and it is making me happier than I ever could have imagined. It is absolutely amazing how much you can grow, change, feel, and experience when you stop living your life for someone else… and start putting yourself first.
So here is to celebrating the difference a year makes!! 🙂