Thank-FULL

Thanksgiving was the first major holiday I have experienced post-Narcissist. Just about this time last year I was hitting my lowest of low points. I was in such a place of depression and emptiness I couldn’t even see a way out of it. Little did I know that I would soon hit my breaking point and I would start the process that would change my life forever.

This time last year I had no idea that I would actually get the strength to leave The Narcissist. I was scared. I was alone. I felt absolutely empty inside… a shell of the woman I used to be.

Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a real reflective place. I keep thinking back about how far I have come in my journey over the past year. Those first steps seemed so huge and so impossible, and yet I stand here on the other side and can’t even believe that I was ever that person, or ever in that marriage.

Leaving The Narcissist was absolutely the best thing that I have ever done for myself.

So this year, during a quiet Thanksgiving with my family, I found myself most thankful for how FULL my life feels today.

  • My life is FULL of people – In the past, my universe centered on The Narcissist because he literally cut me off from everyone else. I relied on him for everything. We were constantly together. Today, on a daily basis I have so many people who I love in my life. This brings so much perspective, and new information, and interesting things into my world. I love having so many connections to others again.
  • My life is FULL of love – I am surrounded by friends and family who are supportive of me, exactly the way that I am. They are a sounding board, a support team, a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader. They make me feel loved and appreciated and respected in ways that the Narcissist never did.
  • My life is FULL of my passions – I have found things that I truly feel passionate about and I am choosing to spend my time doing those things. It is amazing how much happiness I am finding in the little things in life, and I feel like I have evolved into someone who is happy with herself and proud of herself versus looking for The Narcissist’s approval in everything.
  • My life is FULL of hope–  Not the kind of false hope I used to cling to… you know the “I hope I will wake up tomorrow and he will be different” or the “I hope we will get healthy enough to have babies” or “I hope I can eat pizza this weekend” but real hope. I actually have gotten to a place where I am genuinely hopeful for my future and how happy my life can be.

So, this past year has been a pretty wild and crazy journey – but it brought me from my lowest point ever to a really freaking high point! And as crazy as it may sound, I am finally at a point where I am thankful for the entire crazy journey and not feeling so bitter about it anymore.

Yes 8 years was a long time to spend with someone who wasn’t “the one.” But heck, it taught me a whole lot about how strong, resilient, and committed I am as a person. It taught me even more about the things that are most important to me, and the things that I must have in my life to be happy as well as the things that I will never tolerate again.

It gets better my friends… so much better. ❤

10 thoughts on “Thank-FULL

  1. Yea! So glad you are finding your hope and strength! I could not agree with your article more! I am going through many of the same emotions and revelations and it is a crazy and rewarding journey. Best wishes to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Same. Well… different, but same. I think it’s kind of awesome to have such a low point to reflect on. It puts our progress in perspective, making that high point seem mountain-high. Who climbs mountains after being in such a low place? Warriors do:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have just found your blog and have read and recognised so much. I am still not a very positive person 18 months on but it took me a good 8 to 10 of those to stop thinking constantly that I was the most evil person on the planet literally 24/7 every waking moment. That is how he had left me – that and believing I was the narcissist. It’s a slow recovery but reading your posts are almost like a tick list to me – I read your experiences and think “tick” to so many. One of the things that touched me about one post was how you took on his beliefs and lost your own identity…. That happened to me too – in hindsight because in doing so it was less soul destroying than having my own thoughts constantly swept aside or negated or unraveled until I thought I had to be wrong. The reason I really know what I had ended up believing was me wasn’t was because when I finally left those belief systems thoughts very quickly disappeared and I reverted in those ways back to the person I remember being. I wonder was this your experience too?

    My ex told me it was me that suffered from npd and that I was the one with mental health problems, citing so many examples of why this is so to the point that I now apologise every time I speak incase some one thinks I am trying to make myself the centre of their attention. That has left me with so many issues its unreal – I wonder how many of us that happens to also?

    I am still going through what can only be classed as a horrific and traumatic divorce where my ex’s sole aim is to destroy me in any way possible – after all when I left that is what he told me he would do so i’m not certain how well I will really start to heal until that is over hopefully in six to eight months time. But on the days I am positive it is exactly these things for which I too am so thankful, in particular the first one because I was drawn into a world where everything had to be done together because we were married down to always going to bed at the same time and even lights out at the same time. I am truly amazed at the wonderful and caring people I have met since I left and even more amazed that they would want to know and care about someone like me.

    I am so pleased to read your new found positive outlook and truly hope it marks the start of an amazing new chapter for you

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Belinda, I definitely had similar experiences! I found that whenever I wasn’t around The Narcissist (business trips, etc.) I reverted to my ‘old ways’ pretty quickly. This happened at rapid speed once I moved out. Also for me in the beginning I spent a lot of time apologizing, feeling uncomfortable, having trouble holding eye contact with others, etc. It has taken me a bit of personal work to overcome those things. Are you trying any type of therapy to help you with your healing? I have had a lot of success using EMDR to help me with the trauma and the PTSD I have as a result of The Narcissist. I would highly recommend it. ❤

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s