Thanksgiving was the first major holiday I have experienced post-Narcissist. Just about this time last year I was hitting my lowest of low points. I was in such a place of depression and emptiness I couldn’t even see a way out of it. Little did I know that I would soon hit my breaking point and I would start the process that would change my life forever.
This time last year I had no idea that I would actually get the strength to leave The Narcissist. I was scared. I was alone. I felt absolutely empty inside… a shell of the woman I used to be.
Lately, I’ve been finding myself in a real reflective place. I keep thinking back about how far I have come in my journey over the past year. Those first steps seemed so huge and so impossible, and yet I stand here on the other side and can’t even believe that I was ever that person, or ever in that marriage.
Leaving The Narcissist was absolutely the best thing that I have ever done for myself.
So this year, during a quiet Thanksgiving with my family, I found myself most thankful for how FULL my life feels today.
- My life is FULL of people – In the past, my universe centered on The Narcissist because he literally cut me off from everyone else. I relied on him for everything. We were constantly together. Today, on a daily basis I have so many people who I love in my life. This brings so much perspective, and new information, and interesting things into my world. I love having so many connections to others again.
- My life is FULL of love – I am surrounded by friends and family who are supportive of me, exactly the way that I am. They are a sounding board, a support team, a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader. They make me feel loved and appreciated and respected in ways that the Narcissist never did.
- My life is FULL of my passions – I have found things that I truly feel passionate about and I am choosing to spend my time doing those things. It is amazing how much happiness I am finding in the little things in life, and I feel like I have evolved into someone who is happy with herself and proud of herself versus looking for The Narcissist’s approval in everything.
- My life is FULL of hope– Not the kind of false hope I used to cling to… you know the “I hope I will wake up tomorrow and he will be different” or the “I hope we will get healthy enough to have babies” or “I hope I can eat pizza this weekend” but real hope. I actually have gotten to a place where I am genuinely hopeful for my future and how happy my life can be.
So, this past year has been a pretty wild and crazy journey – but it brought me from my lowest point ever to a really freaking high point! And as crazy as it may sound, I am finally at a point where I am thankful for the entire crazy journey and not feeling so bitter about it anymore.
Yes 8 years was a long time to spend with someone who wasn’t “the one.” But heck, it taught me a whole lot about how strong, resilient, and committed I am as a person. It taught me even more about the things that are most important to me, and the things that I must have in my life to be happy as well as the things that I will never tolerate again.
It gets better my friends… so much better. ❤