I realized last night that the Narcissist even controlled which side of the bed I slept on and how I slept.
You see the Narcissist had this crazy need to always sleep on the side of the bed that was furthest away from the door. This meant that regardless of which side of the bed I would have preferred to sleep on… I had to sleep on whichever side was closest to the door. This also meant that every time we moved houses, my side of the bed changed because our bedroom setups were never the same. This also meant that if theoretically, some burglar was to break into our home he would attack me first, giving The Narcissist time to respond to the situation.
You read that one right… I was burglar bait… and I still had to sleep on whatever side he determined regardless of if I liked it or not!
The Narcissist also used to frequently get upset with me for being “distant” in my sleep. That means that even in my subconscious sleeping moments I should have put all of my own comfort aside and be putting the Narcissist’s needs first. So basically I developed a habit of waking up multiple times per night and making sure that I was cuddling with the Narcissist somehow so that if by chance he were to wake up, he would know that I wasn’t being “distant.” The frustrating thing is that The Narcissist slept deep… like he sleeps through 15 alarm clock sounds going off… he once slept through the smoke alarm…. he once legitimately slept through a small earthquake. So even if I spent all night spooning his face off, he would wake up and tell me he felt “off” and “sensitive” because I was so distant from him all night. This behavior from him would require me to be extra lovey and affection all day to help him get out of the funk that he was in that was obviously all my fault.
The lesson of this story is that you can literally NEVER win with a Narcissist.
I am finally enjoying having my entire bed to myself. I’m sleeping on the side of the bed that feels right to me. I’ve stopped lining up throw pillows in the shape of a body and I am sprawled out nightly. It’s the little things in life that matter… and you probably don’t even realize that the Narcissist has taken them away from you.