This weekend I was reminded of one of the emotional abuse techniques that the Narcissist used to use to make me feel worthless.
The Narcissist had successfully cut me off from pretty much everyone I knew before I met him. In the end I only had limited relationships with some of my family members and not a single person that I ever considered to be a friend from before the Narcissist. I had no social media accounts and I didn’t keep in touch with anyone in anyway.
When I would get upset about that fact at random points in time throughout our marriage the Narcissist would tell me that I thought too highly of myself, and that he doubted that anyone even remembered me or thought about me anymore. He would tell me that those people never cared about me and that they had all moved on with their lives and that I should too.
Eventually I actually believed him. I started to believe that no one even remembered me, no one cared about me, and that the few who did remember me thought that I was the crazy one. I felt invisible… I felt like the me I thought I knew had disappeared… and in many ways she had.
Well as you probably already know, and as I now know too… the Narcissist was very wrong.
Towards the end of the marriage I had a few too many glasses of wine one night and decided to send a few email messages out to people that I had lost contact with over the years. They were the few people that I still thought about pretty regularly. Today I have really awesome and various levels of relationships with all of those people with the exception of one.
This weekend that one exception finally got back to that original message from me, and it was exactly the reminder that I needed from the Universe. I have honestly felt really really great since reading it… as cheesy as that might be.
He told me that it was great to hear from me, that he had thought of me often over the years, and even though he appears to be happily married today he told me that he always thought of me as “the one who got away” and always wondered “what if.”
Even though our lives brought us to entirely different places today, that email felt like a giant “F-you” from the Universe directly to the Narcissist… and it reminded me that I am special to many people in ways that the Narcissist will never even understand.