Why Is No Contact So Difficult?

Those of you who have been reading have heard me talk alot about “No Contact” and have read first-hand the struggles and suffering I have dealt with every time I break my own “No Contact” rules. I think that going no contact with a narcissist is a critical step in the healing process and I understand first hand how difficult it can be.

I really enjoyed After Narcissistic Abuse’s post “Why is No Contact so Difficult” and wanted to make sure that everyone had a chance to see it!

After Narcissistic Abuse

One of the hardest things about narcissistic abuse and going no contact, is getting to that point in time where we cross the line from WANTING the narcissist to love us & being devastated by the feelings that they don’t, along with everything that means to us and ACCEPTING that they are entirely and forever incapable of it.

Whether or not we loved ourselves before we met a narcissist, is irrelevant. The fact is, we were sold on the idea that a narcissist did love us in a grandiose narc fashion, then they went about the business of abusing us. In that abuse, they also relentlessly verbally berated us, insidiously blamed us over and over again, sending us the message that somehow the abuse was our fault and that we were not worthy of anything more.

By the time we wise up and decide to put them behind us, the…

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4 thoughts on “Why Is No Contact So Difficult?

  1. When you get the emotions out of the way and really look at a narcissist what you see is someone missing a major part of the brain. They really cannot help it. They have no concept of love so they constantly feed that bottomless pit that sees love in others. Your narc lives totally on the surface of life. Look at what he does to fill the hole. Obsessing about diet, obsessesing about fitness, obsessesing about being attractive, now obsessing about some fake religion. This is how he is going to spend his life. It isn’t that he chose not to love you, it is that he can’t. Because narcs are so good at being chameleons they pull innocent people in but once in you begin to see there is no ‘there” there. He really is “what you see is what you get.” Remember that he has been in training all of his life. This is his modus operandi. To give you an idea why psychologists hate putting this diagnosis on someone is that they will not give it to children. Children are narcissistic but a combination of genes and circumstance allow them to either grow out of it or stay stuck in emotional childhood. Say goodbye to Peter Pan, you have better things to do with your life.

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  2. I think the “no contact” rule is more difficult for people who actually care about their narcissist. I, for one, care nothing about having contact with mine unless it was to watch him suffer somehow. With the swath of destruction he left….he deserves it….but of course, he’ll never suffer.

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