I really wish I didn’t miss the Narcissist anymore…. but I do.
It usually hits when I am laying in bed trying to fall asleep at night, or when I wake up in the middle of the night and have those first few seconds of confusion and reach to his side of the bed where I still put the pillows so it feels like I am not alone.
Last night I woke at 3:00 am with the smell of his cologne so intense in my nose I thought he was there.
“In the darkest hours under the
light of the stars,
cycles of the moon trace my spine
back to you in my dreams. And
each night I plead to move on.
The angels laugh at my expense.”
I found this poem online and it just speaks to me so deeply. It is a very difficult thing to be in love with someone who can never love you the ways you deserve. It is a very weird thing to spend 8 years of your life doing absolutely everything with a person and then slowly disentangle your life from theirs thread by thread. It is hard to describe the sensation of going from lovers to strangers.
It’s a grieving process, its a learning process, its a healing process… and it’s been humbling.
I’ve been filling the void with the most amazing friends a girl could ask for, a loving family who has welcomed me back into their arms, and some amazing new friends that have brought so much laughter and so many new experiences. I’ve been writing it all out as it comes to me… the highs and the lows of recovering from this addiction.
It gets a little easier every day, and I know that like any other wound this one too will heal. ❤