Sometimes you just gotta find the humor in a crazy situation… and sometimes you have to own up to all the glaring 60 ft Red Flags you ignored in your quest to believe that Prince Charming really was just charming and not freaking crazy.
So for all of your reading pleasure, here are the things I should have paid attention to:
- My Narcissist Claims he was Struck by Lightning – While I generally believe that this could have actually happened. (The Narcissist grew up on a farm and spent a lot of time fixing fences and moving sprinklers around in fields.) The part that I really should have paid attention to was why the Narcissist believes he was struck by lightning. You see – right before it happened, the Narcissist was asking God for super powers (he was like 7 years old). So the Narcissist believes that God intentionally struck him with lightning to prove a point. The Narcissist used this as one of many proof points to explain how special he is.
- The Narcissist cut off ties with EVERYONE – I believe that every family has its challenges and I think there are completely rational reasons to cut some people from your life when it is unhealthy. The red flag I should have paid attention to here was that the Narcissist literally cut everyone out of his life… his mother, step father, step siblings, his first wife, etc. Then he started imposing that rule on my life as well. It is exhausting to fill the role of everyone for a Narcissist.
- Ranger Panties – For those of you who have not had the pleasure of seeing a sexy
man in Ranger Panties view the photo to the right. They can be quite revealing, which can be fun. Its a military thing, I get it… but the Narcissist liked to wear these constantly. Out running around the neighborhood (and sometimes shirtless to boot), casual trips to the grocery store or gas station, and around the house pretty much always. They are essentially an excuse to be in your underwear in public.
- Waxing/Shaving/Grooming – In my book a man should care about his physical appearance, but the Narcissist took the term Metro Sexual to a whole new level. It started innocently enough with trips to the tanning bed and some eye brow waxing at home. It escalated to full body hair trimming (can you say spiky leg hair?!) and waxing at a salon. It took the Narcissist more effort to get his body grooming just right than me… or an Olympic Swimmer for that matter.
- General Appearance – It took the Narcissist longer than me to get ready… for work, for going to the supermarket, for going out for a night… for EVERYTHING. While I could run to the supermarket in my workout clothes… the Narcissist needed to be fully clothed to perfection. His hair had to be perfect, his clothes had to be steamed, his accessories had to be perfectly matched to his outfit. It was an endless battle of me laying on the bed telling him how great his ass looked in his pants or that “No really, the pink pants look the best with the brown shoes!”
- Love of Reflective Surfaces / Selfies – The Narcissist literally reached a point of self love where he could not walk past something shiny without looking at himself. It used to drive me crazy. He has also been known to take more selfies than most Instagram models and often at the most awkward times.
- Everyone Loves Me! – The Narcissist constantly felt the need to let me know how much other people loved and appreciated him. It started with his military colleagues, the locals in the country we lived in, the people he worked with, the people in his Destiny clan, random women on airplanes and people in the street. If everything he says is true, this man has been propositioned for sex and marriage by more gay men, straight women, and grandmothers/mothers/fathers of straight woman than any other human in history.
- Food / Exercise / Diet – Being with the Narcissist was like being with an anorexic woman. The list of things he wouldn’t eat is longer than the list of things he would. Every single calorie had to be entered into the phone app, every menu item had to be questioned, everything had to be planned out in advance. If it wasn’t dairy free, gluten free, carb free, dressing-on-the-side, low fat, grass-fed… the man wouldn’t touch it. There is just something that feels wrong about going into a restaurant and wanting to order a burger when your man orders the side salad with nothing on it. He would also constantly be claiming to be “getting fat” and needing to work out. The Narcissist was 6’1″ and 165 lbs soaking wet. He would constantly pinch the “roll” of skin that formed over his 8-pack and say “I really need to workout today.” No matter how much self esteem and confidence you have as a woman… you will feel fat with this Narcissist every single day because you will never have the desire nor the OCD tendencies required to keep up with his lifestyle.
So those are the biggies that are coming to mind today, but I am sure that this will be an ever evolving list!