So, I tried to “do the right thing” and warn the Narcissist’s new girlfriend about what she was getting herself into. I sent her the link to this blog and suggested she read it. If I could go back in time and get a warning about what my life could look like with this man, I would be so thankful today… shoot I would have 8 years of my life back… and I would be in such a better place mentally and emotionally. It would have actually been nice to get this information from his first wife.. who (big surprise) he was still married to when I met him. That’s right Southern Rose… you could be lucky wife #3. Statistically speaking your marriage would have a 73% chance of failure! SOURCE I bet he hasn’t mentioned that he is up to 2 failed marriages now has he??
But naturally, within 10 minutes of sending her the link my phone started going crazy with texts from the Narcissist. Here is what he had to say:
THE NARCISSIST: Please stop being such a hateful person
THE NARCISSIST: It’s not good for you
THE NARCISSIST: And please don’t attempt to slander me online
THE NARCISSIST: Its a really horrible thing to do to anyone
THE NARCISSIST: And you will feel quite guilty about your actions someday
THE NARCISSIST: You walked away from me and our marriage. So please just leave me alone if you are going to be a mean person to me and attempt to hurt me or the people in my life.
THE NARCISSIST:You should really put all that energy and time into healing and focusing on you.
ME: You should really go to hell
THE NARCISSIST:Hate only causes you more pain in the long run
ME: Stop texting me
THE NARCISSIST:Please stop texting me.
THE NARCISSIST: And being a bully
THE NARCISSIST:Seriously, you can’t do that to people
THE NARCISSIST: You should’t want to be this mean
THE NARCISSIST:You said this to me “I needed things from you that you were never able to give to me, and its not your fault. I didn’t ever stop loving you. Separating from you felt like cutting my heart out. But I can’t ever be happy like that. I deserve to be happy too, and I’m a good person in my heart.”
THE NARCISSIST:People with a good heart don’t attempt to hurt other people
THE NARCISSIST:Please don’t post or write anything else abut me or to those in my life. I don’t attempt to inflict pain on you or those you care about. I always wish you the best and pray for your happiness and healing.
THE NARCISSIST:I am really concerned for you and worried about your mental health. Because slandering someone online could have a detrimental impact to your career. People have lost their jobs for less than this. I don’t want to see you hurting yourself and others. So I hope that you will consider taking down a hurtful blog about someone you don’t know.
The last text is the most insightful one of the bunch. Sugar coat a straight up threat against my job and my financial well being by being ‘concerned about my mental health’ as a sneaky way to try to get what he wants.. control of his image. I wonder where his concern for my mental health was during the 8 years of our marriage when he physically, mentally and emotionally abused me?
For 8 years I violently protected this man in every way, shape and form. I was an actress worthy of an academy award. I lied to family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, complete strangers all to protect him from himself. (Side note: The military actually makes it even harder on victims of domestic violence to speak up about what is happening to them because even the slightest mention of abuse can led to them losing their job, rank, honorable discharge, and even veteran’s benefits. Its a crazy amount of pressure to put on someone in that kind of situation… but more on that at another time.) I hid so much pain and guilt and despair from the world I still can’t even process how I managed to keep up the charade without a mental breakdown. If you ask anyone who knew the two of us throughout the most physically violent years of our marriage, I guarantee they would have told you that we were a dream ‘power couple’ that everyone aspired to be. I played my role all too well.
I have decided to take back my voice, and take back my story. I have decided to no longer be quiet about the things that I have experienced, the pain that he has caused, and the resulting trauma and emotional wreckage that I am sifting through to get my life back to normal. I have decided to use my voice, use my writing, use this forum, use this community to begin the healing process.
I am not ‘slandering’ you Narcissist. There are only 2 people in this world who know for sure who this blog is about… and that is you and me. If you can’t handle the truth about what you have done to me over these years, and what you continue to do to me today… stop reading.