You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You

So, I tried to “do the right thing” and warn the Narcissist’s new girlfriend about what she was getting herself into. I sent her the link to this blog and suggested she read it. If I could go back in time and get a warning about what my life could look like with this man, I would be so thankful today… shoot I would have 8 years of my life back… and I would be in such a better place mentally and emotionally. It would have actually been nice to get this information from his first wife.. who (big surprise) he was still married to when I met him. That’s right Southern Rose… you could be lucky wife #3. Statistically speaking your marriage would have a 73% chance of failure! SOURCE I bet he hasn’t mentioned that he is up to 2 failed marriages now has he??

But naturally, within 10 minutes of sending her the link my phone started going crazy with texts from the Narcissist. Here is what he had to say:

THE NARCISSIST: Please stop being such a hateful person
THE NARCISSIST: It’s not good for you
THE NARCISSIST: And please don’t attempt to slander me online
THE NARCISSIST: Its a really horrible thing to do to anyone
THE NARCISSIST: And you will feel quite guilty about your actions someday
THE NARCISSIST: You walked away from me and our marriage. So please just leave me alone if you are going to be a mean person to me and attempt to hurt me or the people in my life.
THE NARCISSIST:You should really put all that energy and time into healing and focusing on you.
ME: You should really go to hell
THE NARCISSIST:Hate only causes you more pain in the long run
ME: Stop texting me
THE NARCISSIST:Please stop texting me.
THE NARCISSIST: And being a bully
THE NARCISSIST:Seriously, you can’t do that to people
THE NARCISSIST: You should’t want to be this mean
THE NARCISSIST:You said this to me “I needed things from you that you were never able to give to me, and its not your fault. I didn’t ever stop loving you. Separating from you felt like cutting my heart out. But I can’t ever be happy like that. I deserve to be happy too, and I’m a good person in my heart.”
THE NARCISSIST:People with a good heart don’t attempt to hurt other people
THE NARCISSIST:Please don’t post or write anything else abut me or to those in my life. I don’t attempt to inflict pain on you or those you care about. I always wish you the best and pray for your happiness and healing.
THE NARCISSIST:I am really concerned for you and worried about your mental health. Because slandering someone online could have a detrimental impact to your career. People have lost their jobs for less than this. I don’t want to see you hurting yourself and others. So I hope that you will consider taking down a hurtful blog about someone you don’t know.

The last text is the most insightful one of the bunch. Sugar coat a straight up threat against my job and my financial well being by being ‘concerned about my mental health’ as a sneaky way to try to get what he wants.. control of his image. I wonder where his concern for my mental health was during the 8 years of our marriage when he physically, mentally and emotionally abused me?

For 8 years I violently protected this man in every way, shape and form. I was an actress worthy of an academy award. I lied to family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, complete strangers all to protect him from himself. (Side note: The military actually makes it even harder on victims of domestic violence to speak up about what is happening to them because even the slightest mention of abuse can led to them losing their job, rank, honorable discharge, and even veteran’s benefits. Its a crazy amount of pressure to put on someone in that kind of situation… but more on that at another time.) I hid so much pain and guilt and despair from the world I still can’t even process how I managed to keep up the charade without a mental breakdown. If you ask anyone who knew the two of us throughout the most physically violent years of our marriage, I guarantee they would have told you that we were a dream ‘power couple’ that everyone aspired to be. I played my role all too well.

I have decided to take back my voice, and take back my story. I have decided to no longer be quiet about the things that I have experienced, the pain that he has caused, and the resulting trauma and emotional wreckage that I am sifting through to get my life back to normal. I have decided to use my voice, use my writing, use this forum, use this community to begin the healing process.

I am not ‘slandering’ you Narcissist. There are only 2 people in this world who know for sure who this blog is about… and that is you and me. If you can’t handle the truth about what you have done to me over these years, and what you continue to do to me today… stop reading.

10 thoughts on “You’re So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog is About You

  1. I hope you read Chump Lady blog. Please send this page and let the chumps who have been through this speak up. They will welcome you to the club no one wants to belong to.

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      1. Your page is visible when you comment on her blog, that’s how I got here. But she doesn’t link to others blogs much herself- I think she likes to keep it non partisan, because tons of chumps blog. She occasionally features guest writers who have their own blogs, but usually they have been contributing for years and their blogs are about specific things- divorce minister is a Christian examination of adultery, Vicki chump advocate is a financial planner for divorce…

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  2. Wow so many of your words sound so familiar…. it is almost scary…. I am having a very hard time getting over my last relationship with a narcissist, sometimes I don’t think he really is one and then I read things that people like you have written and it all becomes much clearer, not what I want to believe but the truth in my face is getting harder and harder to ignore. Thank you for sharing your story, I look forward to reading more and hopefully learning what I need to know to get past this hurt… thank you. Michelle

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    1. I am so glad to hear that my words have been helpful. I’ve found that a Narcissist can make you question absolutely everything about your reality and leave you feeling like the crazy one. You need to focus in on your own instincts, your own gut feelings, and get your narcissist out of your head. Stay strong girl! I’m taking it all one day at a time but I will keep sharing my process!

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      1. Thank you for your response… I do feel like the crazy one but I want him back so badly it is all I can think about, what the hell is wrong with me!!! my story is not nearly as dramatic and awful as yours but, I have never been so much in love and so much in pain as I have been with this man…. he has left me again but stays in touch just enough to keep me hoping he will come back yet again, he always does, over and over…. I just don’t know what to do anymore….

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      2. The only way I have found to get through so far is to cut off all contact. I changed the contact info in my phone to a photo of the girl he slept with so it would remind me every time I saw it of the pain he has caused me. Every time I get the urge to call or text him, I call or text my sister instead. It takes a lot of conscious work to not go back to him, because I still want to – but I know I will only end up being hurt that way. Stay strong, there is someone out there who will love you for you, and will not put through this kind of crap!!

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      3. I know you are 100% right, my logical intelligent brain tells me so but my heart seems to want to go in the other direction 😦 really sucks but I love your idea about putting the picture of the other woman on your phone, I may try that but I would have to make a choice as to which one I would put there…. he f—s everyone and anyone who comes along, so sick….Thanks for your advice, I will keep reading your blog, much peace to you…. Michelle

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Slowly going through your blog and reading all the posts and so far i love it! My mother in law is a narcissist and i find it quite intresting / suicidal! Dont know how you managed to live with one x

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